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Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Idle minds are the devil's playground.

There's no disputing that I am a summer person.  Patios and shorts win over anything cold and snow.  It also happens that it is the busiest time of year for me work wise. Traveling all over Canada, meeting new people and shoehorning cycling into every bit of free time I can find. There is not much idle time it's great.

However as the days grow shorter, and the weather turns, I find myself getting restless and cagey. With less distractions, you're left to think more about "What are you doing with yourself?"  While I have eternally been stuck in an existential crisis, (I've come to accept this as my disposition) I have become better at distracting myself from it or realizing how to combat it.  Last winter, my open ended road trip across the Southwestern States was a savior against the visceral winter depression that hits like a train every year.


One of my favorite works by Zdzisław Beksiński.  His work is not for everyone, but this guy has macabre dialed.

I've got at least a good month of work and cycling ahead of me to keep me distracted, but at some point I'll have to confront that question "Now what?!"   I have plans to relocate to BC at some point in the near future, should job prospects allow.  However even after a change of scenery, at some point, what is initially "New and different" becomes "Same and routine"... it's not a long term solution to finding something that drives the fires behind you every morning when you wake up. I need to find something 'bigger than me' to devote my time to. In the past when I was working towards a goal, whether it  was racing, school or DJ'ing, the motivation behind that, powered me through the slumps.  Right now, I think for the first time ever, I'm not too sure what to do with myself- an interesting problem no doubt. It's easy to "make yourself busy" whether it be the 9-5 that most of us work, or participating in an intramural sport or some new hobby.

There's plenty I am interested in, but as of right now nothing that grabs my attention to the point of deep conviction. A sense of apathy and complacency has taken over, and this needs to be addressed . This apathy permeates into other aspects of my life if left to fester. Work, self respect, relationships- you name it.  I think there's a deep seated fear that I'll live my life selling myself short and not realizing potential- which is likely a pile of bullshit since the benchmarks are entirely arbitrary to begin with.  It's important to keep reminding myself of this.

I need a challenge. I need to figure out some sort of Everest to conquer that I am genuinely convicted about. Everything else I do until I figure this out will just seem like busy work. The change of scenery will hopefully act as a catalyst and help realize new opportunities.

The city of Guelph where I live is fantastic and has everything I need and want. But fuck, I'm bored.

Oh and I put out a new set.








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